Thanks guys, for making me feel like shit.

It’s times like these that make me feel like
the world’ll be better off without me,
so I can stop being such a burden to others,
trying to have someone be there for me,
and care about me.

but then I remember to be selfish
‘cause this world takes and takes 
so what the hell, lets do the same.
let’s stay alive for the future,
for all the things I’ve yet to do,
for all the things I’ve yet to be,
and all the things I need to see,
where all the people I’m a bother to
aren’t there. 

You’re not thinking of me and you won’t anymore therefore it makes no sense to keep thinking of you. 

I take shit real personal sometimes.

like if I ever need help which I hate asking for, I really hope you understand that and try to help me.

and if you don’t, to me it just means that you don’t care about me and I will never tell you I need your help again. You simply become one less person that cares about me.

You can’t anymore. it’s not like that anymore.

I think the best thing I can do… is just forget.

stop feeling stupid, stop feeling worthless, stop feeling like I’m not enough.

it was his mistake to lose you. 

forget how special he made you feel. you’ll find someone else.

forget how his kisses “made you fly”. you’ll kiss another with equally addictive kisses. 

forget how he sang to you. another dorky boy who catches your heart will sing to your heart’s content. 

You’re young, you’ll find another. Trust me, trust life. 

“People walk into your life just as fast as others walk out.”

I just hope its as easy as I explained it.

Can I please crawl into a hole and wait for me to be okay? Just sleep the pain away, sleep till one day, I wake up, and the pain’s gone and I’m all okay again, happy and complete.

I just feel this stupid void that’s empty

and it’s prodding me in the heart, saying “c’mon, where is he? why isn’t this hole filled?”

and I can’t answer because I don’t even know myself.

My courage screams you’re enough, he was just stupid

and my mind yells back that if he was so stupid, I wouldn’t have fallen for him 

and if I was enough, he wouldn’t have left me.

It’s a never ending war and I have to face it everytime I get up and face the world. 

“tears are words that cannot be said”

they leave you gasping, hugging the pillow on your bed.

till your eyes are weak and bloody red,

it’s a scar, the crimson color it had bled.

gawd you’re so stupid!

he’s OVER you.

stop holding him back.

go let him be happy and complete to that other girl whom he makes happy.

who can give everything YOU couldn’t.

who can be in college with him and go out to eat with him and go to the movies with and have sex with him as much as they want.

stop being so stupidly selfish,

he’s not yours anymore & he never will be. just leave him alone.

who the fuck cares if he knows you best, it’s not like he cares about it,

he feels fucken

SORRY

FOR

YOU.

feel that anger?

let it control you.

and don’t try and bring him back into your life.

because its OVER & he doesn’t have to care anymore.

and he probably doesn’t.

so stop pretending

“he does care because that’s how he is”

(you know damn well he isn’t like that)

no, he acted like it because he said he’d be there for you before

and now his words are used against him and he feels obligated to do it.

he might have said otherwise today

but he lies.

remember?

you’re an asshole and I hate that you made me feel the way you did, all happy and with butterflies but now you’re off causing that to some other girl and you’re a compulsive liar and I hope your future relationship sucks because you fucked up ours and I hate that all our memories are done and we won’t have any more and I’m gonna miss talking to you but its ok cos you’re still an asshole and I don’t wanna talk to assholes and and and… I hate that I love you, you inconsiderate asshole. 

Isn’t that what people in love do? Go against all odds to see each other, to be with each other? Give each other gifts, make promises with all intentions of keeping them? Be there for the person, reason when things turn a bit sour, joke with their family, and learn each other’s quirks and their way of being? 

I can’t help but feel its not like that for you.

I can get so down on myself.

like “you know you’re not enough for him.” or “don’t even get sad or mad they didn’t choose you, c’mon its not like you’re anything special.”

and it just really. sucks.

What can I offer people? hugs. hugs and love. big deal.

ugh, I’m going to bed. 

the immensity of the happiness I feel cannot compare to anything, my heart can’t do anything but sing. <3

Nobody even understands how much longing I feel right now.